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Title: 進撃の巨人ラジオ ~梶と下野の進め!電波兵団~ 2013年4月15日配信
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A clip from the 04/15 broadcast of Kaji Yuuki (Eren Yeager) and Shimono Hiro (Conny Springer)’s “Shingeki no Kyojin” radio.

Kaji: Now onto our next corner! Or so I think but… the truth is, Shimono-san’s birthday is coming up on the 21st. So…
Shimono: Oh! It’s a little early but— thank you!
Kaji: It’s a little early but, staff, bring it in!
Shimono: W-What?
Kaji: They made no preparations for this whatsoever.
Shimono: What? Is it like a cake or something along those lines?
Kaji: I think so.
Shimono: Is it flowers? What is it?
Kaji: It’s cake.
Shimono: Oh! Ca— haha. Oh god.
Kaji: Happy birthday!
Shimono: Thank you. I’m thankful but… Sorry, there was no prepative gesture or anything and it just came sliding in without any—
Kaji: We can’t help that, it’s nothing but men in this studio.
Shimono: Well, yeah but—
Kaji: There’s no one here with the sensitive touch of a woman.
Shimono: Isn’t there like— something more thoughtful to come along with this?
Kaji: Nope.
Shimono: No?
Kaji: Nope.
Shimono: I see. Also… The cake doesn’t even have “Shimono-san, congratulations” on it.
Kaji: “Happy birthday.” Want me to write it?
Shimono: No, it’s fine. Don’t write it with pen. Write it with chocolate, with chocolate.
Kaji: Oh c’mon, we’re celebrating for you here.
Shimono: Thank you. But really, thank you.
Kaji: Right. So now that the cake is here…
Shimono: Huh? What about the cutting knife?
Kaji: Now, hold on a second. You can’t eat it yet.
Shimono: Oh, I can’t? Wait, what do you mean, I can’t?
Kaji: Wha-What are you getting full of yourself for, receiving this cake?
Shimono: Eh? Eh?? W-What?
Kaji: What are you being so expectant for?
Shimono: Then wha— We’re celebrating my birthday here, right?
Kaji: I haven’t said yet that you can have the cake.
Shimono: Oh, you didn’t? That’s not what it’s for? Wait, what are you talking about?
Kaji: So anyway! What we’re doing right now is celebrating Shimono-san’s birthday…
Shimono: Right.
Kaji: But you aren’t expecting that we celebrate it the normal way, right?
Shimono: Well yeah, since it was pretty lacking—
Kaji: It’s even written in the script.
Shimono: Yeah.
Kaji: So, here’s the real plan for our celebration party! The title of it is! “If You Act Complacent, You’re The Same As Cattle!!!!”
[BGM playing]
Shimono: (lol)
Kaji: They put on a rather haunting melody.
Shimono: What the hell! What sort of tension am I expected to go with this?
Kaji: This celebration plan is based on what Eren said in the anime’s first episode. That line was [Eren’s voice] “We can spend the rest of our lives eating and sleeping without ever leaving these walls. But then that makes us the same as cattle!”
…That’s right! That’s right!!
Shimono: (lol) What— what happened to you?
Kaji: If you’re satisfied and complacent with the situation right now, you’re the same as cattle!
Shimono: What’s this now?
Kaji: We’re cattle! Kuuu!
Shimono: Don’t say “kuuu!” Stop!
Kaji: Sorry! So, Shimono-san, for being satisfied and complacent about celebrating your birthday the normal way, you are cattle!
Shimono: I am not being complacent!
Kaji: That sort of Shimono-san is not Shimono-san at all!
Shimono: What are you talking about, I’m totally unbalanced right now!
Kaji: Therefore, at this moment, we want Shimono-san himself to stir up excitement for his own birthday and prove that he is not cattle.
Shimono: Like I said, what are you talking about?
Kaji: Eh?
Shimono: Sorry, sorry, I know you’ve been reading all that normally but—
Kaji: I can’t help that, it’s what’s in the script.
Shimono: Yeah but— why? What is this?
Kaji: As I said—
Shimono: What? There’s the cake…
Kaji: When a cake is brought out because it’s your birthday, it’s simple to think that the cake is for you. But as you know from reading “Attack on Titan,” celebrating your birthday like that— it’s not a situation where you’re allowed such self-infatuated thoughts.
Shimono: Right.
Kaji: You chicken.
Shimono: I am not a chicken! This situation right now is just too much for me to keep up with!
Kaji: So, what I’m saying is, when a titan arrives during a situation like that, you’re like cattle to the titan.
Shimono: So you’re saying, while we’re celebrating my birthday, a titan arrives, waaah, this isn’t the time to be eating cake.
Kaji: Right, it can’t go like that. When the titan comes, we need you to fight, Shimono-san!
Shimono: So you want me to eat cake with fighting intent!
Kaji: And represent mankind!
Shimono: I see! Wai— hey, that’s too much responsibility!
Kaji: So about what you need to do, I’m going to give to Shimono-san a few unreasonable orders which I want you to follow.
Shimono: What do you mean, unreasonable?
Kaji: It’s stuff you’re good at.
Shimono: What? What is it?
Kaji: Now, let’s try it.
Shimono: I can only think of one.
Kaji: I have the instructions here.
Shimono: What is it?
Kaji: “If You Act Complacent, You’re The Same as Cattle” command #1: Sing an original birthday song to yourself.
Shimono: (LOL)
Kaji: Okay? It’s not just one you have to do, this is only #1.
Shimono: Nnnnnnnghhhh!!!
Kaji: You’re not given any time to think.
Shimono: Okay, fine.
Kaji: Go on, Shimono-san!
Shimono: In that case, please listen to this song, “Shimono Hiro, Happy Birthday.”
♪ Happy birthday, birthday, birthday me
♪ I didn’t expect this to happen
♪ To celebrate my own birthday, why do I
♪ Have to work so hard and make up a song?
♪ I’m not even that hungry right now, so I don’t feel like eating cake
♪ But I do my best and sing to get this
♪ Birthday cake~

[Clapping]
Kaji: Man… you’re awesome. Really. I’ve always thought so before but… why not quit voice-acting?
Shimono: (lol) I’m not gonna quit.
Kaji: I think you should become a pro at improptu songs.
Shimono: When I no longer have this job, I’m planning to sing like this in the streets.
Kaji: (LOL) Seriously, I think you could make a living from it. It’s wonderful.
Shimono: Maybe charge 500yen per song.
Kaji: It’s worth the money. You’re amazing, really. I mean… it doesn’t even end abruptly, there’s a proper A melody and B melody…
Shimono: Sorry, I wasn’t sure what to do and I thought I should make a closing note…
Kaji: It’s awesome. It’s wonderful. This is plenty enough for you to graduate from being cattle.
Shimono: This is only the first one?
Kaji: Yes. For the next one… “If You Act Complacent, You’re The Same as Cattle” command #2: Think of and read aloud an emotional letter to yourself on the spot.
Shimono: (LOL)
Kaji: Yes. How about this one? On the spot ad-libbing.
Shimono: Are you serious? I think I can feel my spirit starting to break.
Kaji: Haha, are you ready?
Shimono: Yes, I’m ready.
Kaji: Then let’s hear it.
Shimono: “Dear me.”
“Hiro-kun, happy birthday. You’re 33 this year. Double digits.”
“I bet you didn’t expect a letter from yourself on this memorable day. I didn’t expect it either.”
“A lot has happened these past 33 years, huh? A lot of fun things, but also a lot of difficult things. There was even a lot you got irritated about, a whole lot! But despite those difficult situations and the irritation, you did your best to make it this far. So [sniffing] for you, I want to say these words anew.”
“Thank you for being born. Shimono Hiro.”

Kaji: (lol) I think that was very good, a very nice letter.
Shimono: I’m like the stupidest person in the world but was that okay?!
Kaji: No, it’s fine. You voice Conny, after all.
Shimono: Yeah, I’m Conny— hey, what are you saying? Give me some encouragement here! (○`Д′○)
Kaji: No, no, it was good.
Shimono: Oh, it was okay?
Kaji: It’s wonderful how fast your brain works.
Shimono: (lol)
Kaji: We have one more that I want you to conquer.
Shimono: Last one, right?
Kaji: “If You Act Complacent, You’re The Same as Cattle” command #3!
Shimono: What is it?
Kaji: Eat your birthday cake like a ravenous titan!
Shimono: (ROFL)
Kaji: That’s what it says. Isn’t this great? Not only do you have your cake, but you get to eat it too!
Shimono/Kaji: (lol)
Kaji: Just like how a titan goes crazy for human flesh, we want Shimono-san to go crazy for this cake.
Shimono: Hey, wait! I’m okay with eating it— I’m okay with eating it but—
Kaji: What?
Shimono: Are we not even gonna show me eating it?
Kaji: Well, it’s radio.
Shimono: Are you serious? Not even put up a picture or something— at least a picture of the cake—
Kaji: It’s radio. So, conveying to our listeners your titan-like eating even through radio—
Shimono: Fine, okay! So THAT’s why there’s both a wet and dry washcloth prepared here!!
Kaji: Here’s that thoughtful touch you were asking about before, see?
Shimono: Goddamnit…! (lol)
Kaji: And it’s a big whole-layered cake.
Shimono: Are you serious?
Kaji: Topped with strawberries.
Shimono: It’s huge!
Kaji: Yes… but eating a cake like this is a little kid’s dream!
Shimono: I ate an ice cream cake once because it was my dream, but then I ate too much and got a stomachache!
Kaji: That’s okay, this isn’t ice cream cake.
Shimono: I know, but…
Kaji: Then, shall we start?
Shimono: Is just one bite, okay— one strawberry—
Kaji: You’ll be fine, it’s your birthday.
Shimono: Okay, okay.
Kaji: Since it’s not recorded, I’ll burn it into the memory of my heart.
Shimono: Okay. Um… ready? I’m really going to do my best.
Kaji: Okay. So, Shimono-san. Happy birthday!
Shimono: [titan growling]
Kaji: He goes first for the chocolate plate in the center— it’s already gone! Ah, the cream! Ahhhh! This is horrible! This is… this is amazing! Really! Attack on Shimono! Ah! He’s really pushing it in! Wow! Gross, gross, it’s really gross! Hold on… how does it look like inside your mouth?
Shimono: [opens mouth]
Kaji: Ahhhhhhh! It’s done for! Done for! Mikasa, help!!! …The end.

Kaji: Ahh, this is a terrifying sight. It’s all over your clothes too.
Shimono/Kaji: (lol)
Kaji: That was great. That’s manning up.
Shimono: Can I say something?
Kaji: Yes?
Shimono: This isn’t what a 33-year-old should be doing, huh?
Kaji: That’s what makes you Shimono-san though, right? That part of you, the way you do things positively without making a single nasty face at it, that’s what I love most, Shimono-san.
Shimono: But it tasted delicious.
Kaji: Man, it’s all over your mouth. Since this is radio, I wonder if that all came across.
Shimono: It’s horrible.
Kaji: So, with that, all done! You’ve cleared all three commands of the “If You Act Complacent, You’re The Same as Cattle” test, what are your comments about it, Shimono-san?
Shimono: It’s scary. I’m so scared, I could piss myself.
Kaji: Who is it that you’re scared of?
Shimono: Me, I think.
Kaji: You? (lol)
Shimono: Yeah… the staff I’m scared of as well, but I’m scared of myself too.
Kaji: You’re scared of yourself, for being able to do this?
Shimono: Yeah. I did really great, for me.
Kaji: It was wonderful.
Shimono: If I were in my 20s, I probably never would’ve done it.
Kaji: (lol) Really? So by being in your 30s…
Shimono: The moment I turned 30, I started going in a weird direction… even I’m aware of it.
Kaji: Your Wall Rose came down.
Shimono: (LOL)
Kaji: As expected. So having cleared these three commands, please tell us your aspirations for your 33rd year.
Shimono: Let’s see… well, really. Well.
Kaji: (lol) Your right hand is still covered in cake.
Shimono: Although my right hand is still covered in cream, I want to keep moving forward like this and grab for myself a lot of things. Grab a lot of things and eat them. Grab and eat them.
Kaji: You can do it.
Shimono: While at the same time, losing some part of myself. I’ll continue to keep doing my best this year.
Kaji: I see. I want to follow that sort of Shimono-san.
Shimono: Lose even more of myself with this radio in particular.
Kaji: Our result is that Shimono-san is not cattle at all! He is the fine, upstanding Shimono Hiro, 33 years old! Congratulations!
Shimono: Thank you! Thank you!
Kaji: That’s it for our “If You Act Complacent, You’re The Same as Cattle” corner— Corner?! Is this going to happen on my birthday too?
Shimono: Prepare yourself.
Kaji: This is why I didn’t wanna do this.
Shimono: Yep.

(At the end of the broadcast, Kajikun denies that his birthday is on September 3rd, saying it’s already passed on March 9th. www)

If you manage to have access to the broadcast (And if you do, share with us! xD; ), they have pictures of Shimono’s titan-like cake-eating on the Onsen homepage! Check out the radio broadcast here!


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    IM CRY. Kaji you manipulative little shit. Thank God Shimono-san takes the challenge like a man :))
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